Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't notice because vodka
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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