I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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