Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
