you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
