I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
