I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
