New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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