Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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