I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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