is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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