My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I love having hate sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
