There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
