Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
