Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
