Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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