ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
