Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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