just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize