Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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