I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
