I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
