Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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