My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
