My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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