My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
