it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
