imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
