alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
