Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love you. Go after that dick
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