Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
