Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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