Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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