Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize