Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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