I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize