I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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