If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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