Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
