Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
