So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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