dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
