I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
