It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize