It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
