pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
