I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
