i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
