i think my tv is drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
