The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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