I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
