I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
