i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
