meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
