the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Shame - the story of my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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