genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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