I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
