How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
