a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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