Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think my fart just growled at me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
