the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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