We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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