I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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