I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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