'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
