We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
