I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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