yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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