I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
