i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i have two assholes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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